After several recent strikes. A single writer has returned. He has requested a three year leave of absence however, and such I will be writing your articles now. My name is Nick. And I more guns then you. Bow before me. 
IMPORTANT NOTICE:
IMPORTANT CONTENT NOTICE:
content is pending construction, please refer all complaints to my secretary, and when you do. Make sure to provide your name, your family's names, your family's family names, your home address, their home addresses, and then make peace with the future death of your entire family for insulting this paper and the God-Emperor of mankind, you dirty heretic.